Anyone else have a BEEF with this? Here's 'Crappy News' for Tuesday, 12/5/17.

Traverse City, MI- A man realized his home had been broken into...because of a toilet.

Toilet in a bathroom.

The guy woke up to use the bathroom the night of November 25th. He noticed that the toilet seat was down, which was suspicious, because this guy lives and always leaves the seat UP.

The man searched the house and found the intruder passed out on the floor of his garage. The suspect also helped himself to cookies, leaving a trail of crumbs for the homeowner to find.

The perp was arrested for breaking and entering and larceny charges. []

He may be a criminal, but at least his wife or girlfriend will be happy that he put the seat down.

Hull, United Kingdom- A woman woke up to a homeless couple GETTING IT ON in her driveway.


Faye Preston said that she went outside for a cigarette when she spotted the couple under blankets on her drive. She says she let them sleep there for the night, thinking they'd be gone in the morning. But when Preston left for work the next day the couple was still there, surrounded by empty beer cans and actively having sex.

Preston ultimately called police, but said the incident is one of the reasons she LOVES living in her town. "Where else can you go for a posh meal, followed by cocktails in a swanky bar and finish the night stepping over some frisky homeless people fornicating on your driveway?" [Metro]

She has a pretty solid argument there.

El Paso, TX- Border Control seized 227 pounds of contraband from entering the U.S.

Delicatessen meat

Agents didn't find produce or alcohol or drugs, nope. Customs intercepted 227 pounds...of illegal lunchmeat. Officers stopped a woman at a border checkpoint and found 23 rolls of Mexican bologna under the floormats of her car.

Border Patrol says the bologna is prohibited because of the risk of potentially introducing foreign animal diseases to the U.S. pork industry. The woman was issued a $1,000 fine and all the bologna was destroyed. []

Because American bologna isn't bad for our health...

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