Here are today's headlines:

A man in a wheelchair tries highway surfing, a man's pacemaker gets him arrested, and guy gets mauled to death after sneaking into the zoo...


Bald Eagle Township, PA- A wheelchair-bound man found a creative--but illegal way to get around town this weekend.

47-year-old Charlie Carroll was charged with public drunkenness after trying to grab onto passing vehicles. Clinton County officers say they received multiple calls before spotting Carroll in his wheelchair "on the roadway, highly intoxicated." []

In fairness, he was probably just auditioning for the next season of Jackass...

Middletown, OH- A man's heart monitor snitched on him.

Johan Swanepoel/Thinkstock
Johan Swanepoel/Thinkstock

Ross Compton's house burned down in September. When he called 911 Compton told the dispatcher that he was frantically throwing items out the window before fleeing the scene. Police sensed something was off with the story, so they collected information from Compton's pacemaker.

According to court documents, the data showed that Compton's heart rhythms were completely normal, which probably WOULDN'T be so if you were scrambling to escape a fire. Cops also noticed gasoline on Compton's shoes and clothes and investigators found multiple points of origin of the blaze.

He's being charged with arson and insurance fraud. [WLWT-TV]

Bengal tiger (Panthera tigris tigris) snarling, headshot
Tom Brakefield

China- A zoo is under investigation after one of its patrons died while trying to sneak inside.

The victim climbed a fence to try to avoid paying admission and wound up entering a TIGER ENCLOSURE. Tigers attacked the man and he was mauled to death.

Zookeepers had to shoot one of the tigers, and used firecrackers to scare the other ones off. But it still took about an hour to get to him, and he unfortunately didn't survive the attack.

Oddly, the man's family each paid for tickets to the zoo, which makes the whole thing even more puzzling. [Telegraph]

Animal rights activists are using this opportunity to protest keeping wild animals in captivity...but that's not the point. THE GUY CLIMBED INTO A TIGER HABITAT. What did you expect was going to happen?!

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