Did he think they weren't going to look there? This is Crappy News [literally] for Wednesday, August 9th...

Philadelphia, PA- A guy made a big mistake while trying to cheat a drug test...you know, OTHER than trying to cheat a drug test.


21-year-old Daryl Koger filled a condom with clean urine and brought it to his probation office in an attempt to pass a court-ordered drug test last week. His plan failed when a witness reported hearing an unusual popping sound while Koger was providing his urine sample.

Officials searched Koger and found the broken condom and a pair of safety scissors. [CBS Philadelphia]

Hey...if criminals were smart, what would I talk about on my show??

Washington, D.C.- A f---boy tried to date SIX women at once, and failed spectacularly.

Lisette Pylant was set up on a date with the boy wonder Monday night. She met the guy at a bar, where her friend texted her warning her that he sucked--and she found that out firsthand. Pylant live-tweeted the encounter, saying that after 45 minutes his NEXT date showed up.

Group Of Female Friends Enjoying Night Out At Rooftop Bar

Then, a third girl showed up. Followed by a fourth...and then a fifth...and then a sixth.

The group of ladies decided to get all "John Tucker Must Die" on the dude, even recruited the bartenders and bouncers to get in on the gag and help embarrass him. By the end of the night, Pylant and the other women had all ditched him and became friends.

Pylant’s original tweet and the subsequent threads have gone viral, amassing thousands of favorites and retweets in just a few days. [Huffington Post]

I don't know what's crazier...a man thinking he could pull this off, or a man actually wanting to date six women at the same time. #CaughtUp

Thousand Oaks, CA- Police caught a robbery suspect...because of a floater.

Milan Vasicek - Thinkstock
Milan Vasicek - Thinkstock

42-year-old Andrew Jensen was arrested last week in connection with a burglary back in October. Jensen, in the process of robbing the home, used the toilet...and didn't flush.

Cops collected the "samples" and sent them to the forensics lab for testing, and the fecal DNA linked Jensen to the crime.

This is only the second time in California history that leftover poo has helped solve a criminal case. Jensen's been charged with felony residential burglary. [Ventura County Star]

REAL TALK: If you're this rude and gross you deserve to get caught.

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