What a disgrace. To KFC. This is "Crappy News" for Monday, August 27th, 2018.

Fayetteville, AR- A woman posed as an out-of-state deputy to break her boyfriend out of jail.

Dawn Benko for Townsquare Media of the Hudson Valley
Dawn Benko for Townsquare Media

23-year-old Nicholas Lowe was arrested last month for a criminal impersonation warrant he was facing in California.  But he came up with one hell of a plan to get out.

He talked his girlfriend, 30-year-old Maxine Feldstein, into calling the jail pretending to be a deputy from California...and she even sent them forged paperwork saying to release Lowe.

And somehow the scheme WORKED, and Nicholas was released. But a few days later, the ACTUAL deputies from Ventura County called to arrange a pickup for Lowe and they figured out what happened. [Northwest Arkansas Democrat Gazette]

The Netherlands- A man was rushed to the hospital after shoving 15 hard-boiled eggs inside his rectum.

Organic Hard Boiled Eggs

The 29-year-old was admittedly high on GHB when he boiled the eggs, peeled them, and inserted them into his anus.

The man started to feel intense pain (YA THINK?) and checked into the hopital, where doctors noticed a perforation of his colon and giant amounts of air and fluids in his abdominal cavity.

The eggs were removed and his intestines were "thoroughly rinsed." The rupture was stitched up and the patient was discharged after a few days. [Metro]

San Luis, AZ- Police arrested a man who was using a vacant fast-food restaurant as a drug tunnel.

KFC Menu Items and Restaurant
Getty Images for KFC

Ivan Lopez was pulled over August 13th for an equipment violation. Police reportedly found 261 pounds of methamphetamine, 14 pounds of cocaine, 30 pounds of heroin and nearly 7 pounds of fentanyl in a trailer being pulled by Lopez’ pickup. The street value of the drugs is more than $1.1 million.

Officers got a search warrant for Lopez' property, which included a KFC restaurant  about 200 yards north of the U.S.-Mexico border.

Homeland Security agents found a hole in the floor of the restaurant which led to a 590-foot-long, 22-foot-deep tunnel. Officers believe smugglers used rope to pull up loads of drugs from the bottom of the tunnel’s U.S. entry point. [Fort Worth Star-Telegram]

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