Here are today's headlines:

Cops are hoping someone is dumb enough to reply to a tweet, a man's "parking lot rage" almost gets him killed, and a guy is wanted for showing his crunch berries at a grocery store...

Columbus, IN- Authorities are searching for the proper owner of a marijuana stash.

A resident called police after 5 1/2 POUNDS of weed were delivered to the wrong address. Cops came up with a clever way of finding the rightful owner, tweeting that the pot would be available for pickup at the police precinct.

You know somebody isn't going to realize this is a trap.

Esquimalt, BC, Canada- A man went to the hospital after vandalizing a car.

View from above of car parking full of vehicles.

The 37-year-old man couldn't open the door to his car because someone had parked too close to him, so he decided to slash the other dude's tires. However, police say the man “was unfamiliar with the physics behind his actions” and ended up stabbing HIMSELF in the leg, striking an artery!

The dope needed emergency surgery due to the extreme blood loss. On top of that, he'll now likely face charges of criminal mischief. [Global News]

Rarely does karma ever happen THAT fast.

Dauphin County, PA- Police are searching for a man who exposed himself at a grocery store.


The suspect, described as being about 6-feet tall, balding, and between 50 and 60 years old, was shown on video helping a store employee stack cereal boxes, then pulling down his pants and exposing his genitals.

The man had entered the store with a woman who was not present at the time of the incident. []

I guess you could say got some KIX out of showing his FRUITY PEBBLES...or GRAPE NUTS...or LUCKY CHARMS...seriously, the jokes kind of write themselves...

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