Iowa Man With Unfortunate Last Name Busted For OWI

This was probably bound to happen eventually. Here's "Crappy News" for Thursday, June 21st.

Anchorage, AK- Officials are asking for help to solve a mammoth theft case.

The Bureau of Land Management says someone stole a 100-pound woolly mammoth tusk from the Campbell Creek Science Center back in March. The curved tusk is about five-and-a-half feet long, eight inches in diameter on the large end and six inches in diameter at the narrow end.

The woolly mammoth, or mastodon, is Alaska's state fossil. The agency is offering a $500 reward in exchange for the artifact. [KTUU-TV]

I don't think ANYBODY is returning that thing for that price. Better add a few more zeros.

Philadelphia, PA- A baseball fan was hurt due to a mascot mishap.

A woman suffered facial injuries when the Phillie Phanatic launched a hot dog into the crowd with his cannon during Monday night’s game at Citizens Bank Park. Kathy McVay was unable to catch or deflect the hot dog, which was wrapped in duct tape so it wouldn't disintegrate upon launch.

McVay has bruising underneath her right eye and underwent a CAT scan at the hospital to rule out a concussion. The Phillies apologized to McVay on Tuesday and have offered her tickets to a future home game whenever she wants to return.

McVay understands the randomness of the injury and is not seeking legal action. [NBC Sports Philadelphia]

I guess the mascot put a little too much..mustard...on that one.

Council Bluffs, IA- A man with an unfortunate last name drove drunk and flipped his car.

The 20-year-old was driving under the influence in March when he lost control of his vehicle. Police responded to the scene after getting a call about a car resting on its top after striking other vehicles.

Officers found the suspect standing on the highway next to his upside-down car. His name? Benjamin BEER.

Cops say Beer had several signs of intoxication and smelled of alcohol (beer?), and he'd suffered a bloody nose as a result of the accident. He admitted to police that he'd been drinking (beer?) and failed multiple sobriety tests at the Pottawattamie County Jail.

Beer pleaded guilty to operating while intoxicated and he'll be sentenced in July. [The Daily Nonpareil]

Sometimes you just can't fight fate.

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