Jesus Christ Calls 911 After Stealing From Pizza Hut

Real talk, If pop and pizza were part of the Eucharist I probably would've gone to communion much more often. This is "Crappy News" for Thursday, March 29th.

New York, NY- An airline crew member was busted with drugs in his pants.

U.S. Customs & Border Protection said that Hugh Hall was part of the crew on a Fly Jamaica Airways plane that had landed at JFK airport March 17th.

Hall checked himself in for inspection and was taken to a private search room, where officers discovered four packages of cocaine taped to his legs under his pants. The cocaine weighed approximately nine pounds and had an estimated street value of $160,000.

Hall was turned over to Homeland Security and now faces federal narcotics smuggling charges. [UPI]

This guy obviously failed to get a leg up on authorities.

Amboy, CA- A conspiracy theorist tried to send himself to outer space.

Some people will do literally ANYTHING to prove a point.

61-year-old "Mad Mike" Hughes managed to launch himself into the sky in a self-made steam-powered rocket. And he did it to confirm his theory that the Earth is flat, and shaped like a Frisbee. Hughes bailed on his mission and deployed his parachute after reaching an estimated speed of 350 miles per hour.

Hughes obviously is not alone in his quest for truth; he's received almost $8,000 in funding from Research Flat Earth, a group which believes that the sun and the moon rotate around the outer edge of the planet. [CBS News]

Yes...because why should we believe THOUSANDS of years of science??

High Point, NC- Jesus was arrested after breaking into a Pizza Hut.

46-year-old Richard Quintero called 911 last Thursday, and told the dispatcher that he was Jesus Christ, and he'd forced his way into a nearby Pizza Hut. He also admitted to eating pizza and drinking Mountain Dew.

When questioned by the 911 dispatcher, Quintero said, quote, "'Cause I'm Jesus, I can do whatever I want...I'm tired of the Judases on this earth."

Quintero was cooperative when the cops finally arrived. He's been charged with larceny and breaking & entering. [WFMY-TV]

He is risen! Just in time for Easter! I'm assuming he was only in jail for three days?

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