It may be basic...but it was effective. This is 'Crappy News' for Friday, November 10th.

FAIRBANKS, AK- A man was arrested earlier this week following a very slow joyride.

teenager under arrest

32-year-old Randall Chinuhuk went to a Safeway grocery store early Tuesday morning and attempted to steal a motorized shopping cart. An employee saw what was happening and called 911.

In the 10 minutes it took police to arrive...Chinuhuk barely made it out of the store's parking lot. The cart got stuck in some snow at a nearby intersection and became inoperable. Chinuhuk told officers that he was just driving the cart for fun and was going to return it, but they still charged him with felony theft. [KTUU-TV]

#1. It's Alaska. You've got to find creative ways to entertain yourself.

#2. If you're going to take something with wheels you better make sure it goes faster than TWO miles per hour.

DENVER, PA- A Dunkin' Donuts employee was arrested for selling drugs on the job.

Dunkin Donuts Hopes To Raise $400 Million Through IPO
Getty Images

Police received a tip that 35-year-old Nathan Pizziardi was selling meth and heroin during his shifts. Authorities say Pizziardi would go so far as to make transactions in the Dunkin' Donuts parking lot while in uniform...and while wearing his drive-thru headset.

Undercover officers purchased $25 worth of meth in August, and $90 worth of heroin in September. Pizziardi is facing two counts of felony drug distribution. []

I can appreciate the side-hustle, but perhaps he should've waited until he was off the clock. Perhaps.

PURCELL, OK- A liquor store robbery was pumpkin spice!

27-year-old Dillon Jackson entered the store a few weeks ago demanding money from the register.

pumpkin pie spice walnuts banana cupcakes

The employees refused, so Jackson attempted to reach over the counter.

One of the clerks reacted by pressing the store's silent alarm. Another reacted by clobbering Jackson over the head...with a bottle of Bailey's Pumpkin Spice creme liqueur.

The attack was effective because Jackson stumbled out of the store empty-handed. The cops found him trying to hide out next door. Police also searched him and found meth in his pocket. Jackson was busted for second-degree robbery and drug possession. []

This gives "getting smashed" a whole new meaning.

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